Well Lance Armstrong
did say they would make a movie about him one day, but I suspect he anticipated
just a wee bit more creative control over its content and tone at the time. What
we get here is Lance becoming a Wewy wewy bad boy, apparently because he was
the wrong shape to be a wewy wewy good boy, and all of this while battling
cancer, and being determined to be dressed in a very unflattering shade of
yellow. To be honest I don't think it would have bothered the distributors
either way, but this flick sure didn’t do the cause any favours. Interesting
story cobbled by rather lacklustre and uneven tele-movie scripting, and cinematography
that simply doesn’t do the subject justice. Now I’m no cycling nut, but I have
seen live coverage and docu footage of Tour that is absolutely thrilling. These
shots are so flat they almost level the sneckin’ Alps. There are a whole bunch
of Stephen Frears directed movies I like bigly, and his name on top was a
reason I picked this up. Boy does he mislay a testicle on this one.
There are a few deviations from the Armstrong
story we may have picked up through some kind of tabloid cultural osmosis, even
if we thought a peloton was a slightly comedic lookin’ bird For
example Cheryl Crow fans might be disappointed that she has been washed out of
the tale, though I’m pretty damned sure the lady herself ensured she wasn’t
mortified on celluloid. Every day might be a winding road, but who the hell
needs to build their own chicanes?
Ben Foster plays
speedy speedo Lance, but despite the promo’s hailing the performance as
‘gripping’ the only things being gripped in this is the occasional handlebar
and syringe. Chris O’Dowd is up as
doggedly persistent journo nemesis David
Walsh, but despite his best efforts I don’t feel he was the best casting for
the role, while why Dustin Hoffman agreed to be in this initially baffled me, but then I remembered
that Mr. Mumbles agreed to be in 'The Cobbler' and 'The Fokkers' movies, and
realized that he can do all this stuff in second gear
This movie kinda sucks. Not in a big shouty way, but in that way that
sneaks up on you about 15 minutes in, just long enough to resent the shit out
of it for not being so bad that someone warned you…
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