Sherlock: The Lying Detective

How do you solve a problem like John Watson not wanting to have anything to do with Sherlock Holmes any more because of that business with Watson's wife taking a bullet for the detective and being all dead afterwards? Apparently you solve it by going back on hardcore drugs, if you're Sherlock. Apparently.

Many things are revealed in this episode. Mrs Hudson has a smoking hot car and can drive like a madwoman. Mycroft Holmes might even stoop into human behaviour enough to consider illicit liaisons now and then. Watson talks to the visible apparition of his dead wife. This last is a plot device. It's not something he did when she was alive, obviously. It's a way of enabling the audience to keep up with nuances of the storyline even in the absence of the traditional conversations where Watson is perplexed and Holmes shows off by explaining how incredibly boring it is that no one else understands what he does.

Watson isn't perplexed. He's angry. Holmes isn't showing off. He's stoned out of his fucking mind. And taking to Twitter to accuse Toby Jones of being a serial killer. Jones plays a character not entirely unlike Jimmy Savile in some respects - creepy, philanthropic, fingers in many pies, high profile public figure, up to no good and some people know about it - but he's also the Dream Lord from Matt Smith's first season as Doctor Who. And Dobby's voice. And a detectorist. Only he's none of those other things in this, he's just some greasy millionaire businessman Sherlock wants to take down. Despite being stoned out of his fucking mind.

It all gets a bit out of hand. Watson and Holmes are reunited and hang out with Dobby, I mean Mr Smith (not Matt Smith, Toby Jones's character with a posh, implausible first name) but it's not a very comfortable time, what with Sherlock being all 'you're a serial killer' in Smith's grill and Smith being all "bitch I'm not" and Watson being all "Sherlock you're stoned out of your fucking mind" and punching him a lot. A real heck of a lot.

Which means Sherlock is in this odd hospital that Smith has fingers in (now that's very Savile, eh?) being treated for drug addledness and the results of punchings. And this is where Smith wants him as he can now try to kill him. Because guess what bitches, he IS a serial killer. And Sherlock records his confession with a walking stick. Honest, he does. And John saves him because he's now seen the same DVD of Mary telling Sherlock to save John from himself that ended last week's episode and realises Holmes was trying to make the Doctor save him to save himself. Confused? You won't be. I wasn't.

Loose ends. The bus woman from last week. Turns out that John didn't do the wild thing with her, just texted her and thought about doing the wild thing with her. Which he confesses to the not actually there apparition of Mary in front of Sherlock. Like you do. And then he goes back to his new therapist who turns out to be various other people from both episodes. Oh and Mycroft and Sherlock's sister. Then she shoots John in the face. And credits happen so we don't know if he's dead and have to watch next week. Clever that.

Sherlock: The Six Thatchers

Do you like Sherlock? Do you like spoilers? Then you'll love this review of The Six Thatchers. Unless you don't like sarcasm. Or curse words.

Episode One, Season Four and the Watsons have a baby. That's usually what happens when someone is pregnant, after a while they stop being pregnant and a baby appears. Slight hint of the good doctor being a bit of a bad doctor and having a fling with some random bus woman but who cares? Sherlock has been reprieved because of the Moriaty conundrum. Nobody calls it that but they should. It would be a great title for an episode. I'm great at pretend episode titles. I'm still waiting for the BBC to take me up on Doctor Who And The Spacey Bastards.

Sherlock's approach to working out what Little Jim's malevolent legacy might be is to act as though nothing has changed, except for the Watsons having a baby. Post aborted suicide mission to Eastern Europe is painless, it takes on many cases, one of which is about somebody smashing busts of Margaret Thatcher. Bad, bad liberal political bias from the BBC. Except it's not a political act, it's a mysterious stranger trying to retrieve an item hidden inside one of the busts. They know it's there because they put it there. Six years ago. After nasty antics alongside Mary Watson in a betrayed undercover mission in Tbilisi.

Keeping up? Well don't. Let it all unfold. You're supposed to think it's all about Moriaty, possibly connected to some stupid old pearl. And then you're shocked when it isn't and we realise Mary's former colleague wants to murder her to death because he thinks she betrayed him. But she didn't. Someone else did. Not Moriaty. Someone female. Not Lady Whatsername from the last proper episode (we're ignoring the drug hallucinations of last year's special). But someone. Ooh who can it be? I bet she's a right shithead: betraying people is what shitheads do.

Mary pretends to be some other people to flee the country and keep John and the baby (yes it has a name but no lines so I'm not telling you) safe. But Sherlock is cleverer than her. And her former colleague is clever too and they have a bit of a shooty moment in which we realise that the someone female who did the betraying isn't Mary. Well, we already knew that, right, because we like her. But it is now confirmed. Yay! She's my favourite Watson. And John is too.

Oh dear. Things and stuff and stuff and things happen and all of a sudden the Watsons are a trio no longer. No, John hasn't moved in his fancy woman for some farcically saucy seventies style Bohemianism. Mary's been killed to death. Taking a bullet for Sherlock. See what they did there? Debt paid. Former undercover operative with cleverness and skill set that steals focus from the title character removed from series.

Cue John blaming Sherlock and shunning his company. Cue pre-recorded posthumous message from Mary to Sherl asking him to save John. From himself. From his grief. Cue a window into the detective's own grief and guilt in those big old Cumblebum eyes. Why doesn't he just bend space and time and use mystical forces to revive Mary? Oh, because he isn't Doctor Strange in this one. Bollocks! He is good. Acting wise. Good acting from the Cumblyman.

And from Amanda Abbington, really going out on a virtuoso performance. Martin Freeman is almost an extra until the end when John's absence from Sherlock's life flavours a powerful but not overtly sentimental denouement. Still, he looks good with a daisy in his hair. And on buses.

Two episodes to come. How do our boys sort out their issues and bond yet again? Perhaps one of them could fake their own death and then come back disguised as a waiter.

Oh, and none of this was to do with Moriaty. Unless it later turns out that it was. Oh and the betrayer was a Whitehall secretary.

Doctor Strange

He isn't Sherlock. He isn't Khan from Star Trek Beyond. He isn't that rubbish siege negotiator from Four Lions. He's strange. With a capital S. But he's kinda small S strange too.

Yes, Bendyback Cumblebath has entered the Marvel fray as the franchise's biggest oddball. The original comics were a sixties take on a normal human being acquiring superpowers not through exposure to radiation or technological genius but by delving deep into the world of mysticism. Like wow, dude, that's so hippy.

But he's not a hippy. No, he's an arrogant son of a bitch who also happens to be one of the greatest surgeons on the planet. He doesn't HAVE to be American even though he is in the source material, but he is played American so we know he isn't Sherlock. Or Khan. Or that negotiator. Or because Stan Lee would have had a heart attack if they'd messed with his counter-culture baby too much for its big screen debut.

One car crash and two fucked up hands later Dr Stephen Strange is so desperate to cure himself and return to arrogantly saving people's lives in an operating theatre that he alienates his former girlfriend (a disappointingly male-gaze empty shell of a character played, presumably with little enthusiasm, by Rachel McAdams) and heads to the Orient in search of salvation.

What he finds is Tilda Swinton as an ancient guru type. Oh she's allowed to have a British accent. She's allowed to be a woman which she most certainly was not in the graphic novels. She's also awesome, both as a character and as the actor playing that character (sorry, did I break the fourth wall? Geek off, you'll be complaining about spoilers next).

Tilda teaches Bendyback how to do the warping space in on itself stuff from Inception only more magic mushroom stylee but Mads Mikkelson can also do this and he's a bad guy. He's stolen bad naughty knowledge from Tilda's special books and is going to summon up ultimate evil to eat up this universe. Luckily there are, we learn, an infinite number of universes but we're humans so we only give a shit about the one we're in and Comfybath has to save everything and everyone. With some help from the Ancient One's non-bad disciples.

Do they succeed, you wonder, if you haven't seen the film. Let's just say a sequel is in the pipeline, shall we?

Cumblepatch is suitably strange to be Strange and suitably different from Mr Downey Jr not to make the character seem too much like a riff on Iron Man (with hocus pocus instead of a big metal suit). Mikkelson is a heavyweight enough villain to ensure the self-centred Strange rises to the occasion when required. The visuals are astonishing without overshadowing the action or the plot.

Plot - it's not the best and it's not the worst in the celluloid Marvel universe. It's a prolonged setting of the stage for the weird doctor to presumably get completely fruitloop on us next time out. It works well enough. I'd watch it again. I watch most things more than once if they have Tilda Swinton in them, though. And so should you.