The Amazing Spiderman 2

Reboots. They happen all the time now. Why this year there will be yet another reboot of Spiderpants, er man. Because this second outing for Andrew Garfield as the webby one didn't really do so well with critics or audiences. 

Garfield was a rebooted Spidey himself. After diminishing returns from Toby ‘I Hunch’ Maguire in three movies, Spiderplant came back as Garfield. Not an orange cat, you idiot, Andrew Garfield. I thought I’d already made this clear? Pay attention will you?

Or don’t. Not to the movie anyhow. There’s too much crammed into the film and with little genuine plotting to make it work. Electro Boy looks really different from his time with The Mighty Boosh. The Green Goblin is arch and camp and a terrible disappointment. Gwen Stacey is Emma Stone, the new darling of tap-dance, sing-song Hollywood musical revivals. Her eyes are big. Her impact on the movie small, despite some decent lines and a bit of the action.

Nobody impacts on the movie, they’ve got nothing to work with. Swing and prevent crime, Spidey. Just like the cartoons. Only with fewer dimensions to your character. Be a ghostly presence haunting Peter Parker, Dennis Leary. Like you spirited away Bill Hicks’ material all those years ago and pretended it was your own. Look translucent and sparky blue, Jamie Foxx, and try to forget you're an Academy Award winner slumming it here. 

Superheroes are bad for those they care about. We knew this. It’s peppered through every 21st century Marvel movie to provide moral fibre for the otherwise diarrhetic orgy of making the most of having amazing powers. You hear that, Amazing Spiderman? Stop having girlfriends or they and/or those close to them will die. Not so heroic now, are you, you creepy insect boy?

Bet the rebooted rebooted still peddles this cliche, though, don't you?